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Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Restroom comedy has long been the comfort zone in everyday journalism, and writers stay alert regarding memorable lavatory incidents and milestones, particularly within football. It was quite amusing to discover that Big Website columnist Adrian Chiles owns a West Bromwich Albion-inspired toilet within his residence. Reflect for a moment about the Tykes follower who understood the bathroom somewhat too seriously, and needed rescuing from a deserted Oakwell after falling asleep on the loo midway through a 2015 losing match versus the Cod Army. “He had no shoes on and couldn't find his phone and his hat,” elaborated a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And nobody can overlook at the pinnacle of his career at Manchester City, the controversial forward visited a nearby college to use the facilities back in 2012. “He left his Bentley parked outside, before entering and requesting where the toilets were, subsequently he entered the faculty room,” a pupil informed a Manchester newspaper. “Subsequently he wandered through the school acting like the owner.”

The Toilet Resignation

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century from when Kevin Keegan quit as England manager post a quick discussion within a restroom stall alongside FA executive David Davies deep within Wembley Stadium, following that infamous 1-0 defeat versus Germany during 2000 – England’s final match at the legendary venue. As Davies remembers in his diary, FA Confidential, he entered the drenched beleaguered England dressing room immediately after the match, discovering David Beckham crying and Tony Adams “fired up”, both players begging for the director to convince Keegan. Subsequent to Hamann's direct free-kick, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a thousand-yard stare, and Davies located him seated – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – in the dressing room corner, muttering: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Grabbing Keegan, Davies tried desperately to rescue the scenario.

“Where could we possibly locate for a private conversation?” remembered Davies. “The tunnel? Crawling with television reporters. The locker room? Packed with upset players. The bathing section? I couldn't conduct an important discussion with the national coach while athletes jumped in the pool. Only one option presented itself. The toilet cubicles. A significant event in English football's extensive history happened in the old toilets of a venue scheduled for destruction. The coming demolition was almost tangible. Leading Kevin into a compartment, I secured the door behind us. We stood there, facing each other. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I’m out of here. I’m not up to it. I'll inform the media that I'm not adequate. I cannot inspire the squad. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Results

Therefore, Keegan stepped down, subsequently confessing he considered his tenure as national coach “empty”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I struggled to occupy my time. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the deaf squad, assisting the women's team. It's an extremely challenging position.” Football in England has advanced considerably during the last 25 years. Regardless of improvement or decline, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers are no longer present, although a German now works in the technical area Keegan previously used. The German's squad is viewed as one of the contenders for next year’s Geopolitics World Cup: Three Lions supporters, appreciate this period. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days acts as a memory that circumstances weren't consistently this positive.

Current Reports

Follow Luke McLaughlin at 8pm UK time for Women's major tournament coverage concerning Arsenal's match against Lyon.

Quote of the Day

“We remained in an extended queue, in just our underwear. We represented Europe's top officials, premier athletes, inspirations, grown-ups, parents, determined individuals with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We barely looked at each other, our eyes shifted somewhat anxiously as we were summoned forward in pairs. There Collina examined us thoroughly with an ice-cold gaze. Silent and observant” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson shares the degrading procedures match officials were formerly exposed to by former Uefa head of referees Pierluigi Collina.

Football Daily Letters

“How important is a name? A Dr Seuss verse exists titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Has Blackpool experienced Excessive Steves? Steve Bruce, plus assistants Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been shown through the door marked ‘Do One’. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not quite! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie remain to manage the main squad. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles

“Now you have loosened the purse strings and distributed some merchandise, I've opted to write and offer a concise remark. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts in the school playground with kids he anticipated would defeat him. This masochistic tendency must account for his choice to sign with Nottingham Forest. Being a longtime Tottenham fan I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the second division and that would be quite a challenge {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|